Thursday, October 19, 2006

There are mountains...

I've never been one really into climbing mountains. As a child, I was encouraged (read: forced) to hike with friends, girl scouts and uncles chasing their youthful years up hill and over dale. I participated in many an orientearing experiment gone horribly wrong. "This way is north. No, wait, over here is north. No, wait, I was right the first time." I was generally ill prepared for these excursions - wearing the wrong shoes, socks, pants, shirt, not bring enough (or any) water, not sleeping the night before.
Even in college, I headed up a trail with friends only to discover approximately halfway through that we were not on the "Beginners" gentle winding trail, but on the "Advanced" trail of death that threatened to kill and maim me.
As an adult, fully in control of where and when she faces nature I, by in large, avoid hiking. Mountains are nice to look at. I notice them when I drive: "Hey, isn't it nice that the scenery is not all the same and that it is not all flat?" I like pictures of them. I like hearing about other people climbing them. But I am content not to.
Which is, perhaps, why I find myself wholly amused that I currently work with people who love to climb mountains. In fact, they will travel great distances, looking forward to the hike up the mountain (whereas I will travel great distances if promised a nice hotel room, a few museums, dinner and a trip to a spa). They take pictures at the top, tell stories about the craggy pathways, rain and muck that they encounter, and compare scars, triumphs and failures.
I suppose I've grown accustomed to not having to deal with mountains. There is generally a way around them.
Me and the elements? We're not close, and I'm mostly okay with that.
Unless we're talking about an organic seaweed facemask - in which case, count me in.

Monday, October 09, 2006

It's neat and it's sweat knittin' socks for little feet

Big shout out to the Muppets for this morning's title!

This weekend has been fabulous, mostly because I've been able to hole-up in my apartment with only the occasional (and generally welcome) interuption. I forgot how much I love my time when no one's knocking.

An additional shout out to the maintenance crew who recently installed a periscope on my door - I am no longer sketched out by knocks at my door.

So, what did I do with all of this fantastic recharge time? Well:
1) Mum came to visit Friday night and we had a lovely visit and dinner at the awesom Black Forest Cafe (which is quickly becoming my most favorite place to eat!). I've missed my mum while she's been away, so it was nice to catch up with her and share with her what I've been doing here with my job.

2) I traveled to Ewe'll Love It-- a yarn store in Nashua. I learned two things. A: I like Nashua alot and will keep it on the list of cities I might be willing to "settle down" in. B: I have been in need of a good yarn store for some time... possibly years. I entered into this fleecy haven and immediately learned about 15 things I didn't know about patterns, books and yarns. I bought some lovely (washable) yarn for two child-size sweaters and made plans to make gauntlets (as requested)for some family members. I left feeling elated: Here at Ewe'll Love It are souls like mine. People who enjoy casting on and creating mini (and extra large) crafts. And the yarns. Oh my! I'm going to have to make sure to only visit ELI when I have a clear project in mind that nothing in my stash will fit....

3) I watched the following movies: Inside Man (which I love), She's the Man (which did the Shakespeare for teens genre proud), Stick It (which reminded me of Bring It On more than I like), Poseidan (during which I realized that I know more about boats/ships than I thought, some CSI (which I enjoyed more than I remembered), the premeire of Battlestar Galactica (which was rerun, thank Heaven!), and last week's Nip/Tuck (which I always find intriguing). Actually, I shouldn't say that I watched any of these things because really, they just played in the background while I...

4) made this:
I cast on Saturday afternoon. This is where is stands this morning. I'm rather proud of it, and I love the color.
I am kind of taken aback by the size. Who knew 6-12 month olds were so small/big (I go back and forth on how I feel about the sizing.

Anywho-- I'm off to grab breakfast... I'm hoping to finish this this afternoon. I need to cast on a pair of socks and have one underway before Friday.
Hooray wool! Hooray Fall Break! Hooray October!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

By protecting my heart truly, I got lost in the sounds I hear in my mind

It's intriguing, I suppose, that the return of Grey's Anatomy also brings the return of my online, semi-personal introspection. There's probably some sad comment about twenty-first century reliance on Hollywood engineered reality for pseudo self-awareness: a reality based on fantasy - but I'm gonna go with it 'cause I think a little introspection is good for the soul.
A few weeks ago, a good friend and I were discussing her love life... and I'll go no further into that except to say that it was through discussing her own situation that we arrived at a good hour's discourse on my social life - something I am generally guarded about, or (at the very least) reticent to speak on because, well, it doesn't really exsist. My social interactions with the opposite gender (read: men I don't know by way of other friends or work - aka: strangers) are often few and far between (mostly by my own design... I can own that). I'm (my friend claimed) very picky, and I like my life the way it is so I don't try too hard to change it.
That's not to say that I don't know that different can be better. I certainly do. And I'm always up for better.
One thing that I've learned over the past few years (and there has been a lot of learning...) is that I don't want to be in a relationship (romantic or platonic) in which the "other person" doesn't have his/her own life, friends, hobbies, aspirations, etc. It's too draining. I need time to do my own thing and understanding when I'm busy. I love to hear about someone else's day when it is 100% unrelated to whatever it was I'm doing. It's nice to know that other people do (and enjoy) other things.
However, I've also learned the importance of the "check-in." Being the Type-A workaholic type that I am (though I often don't see it) I appreciate when someone simply asks, "Are you okay?" or "How ya doin?" with legit concern. The kind of concern, I suppose, I try to live out with others. It forces me to take a step back, look at what I'm doing and ask myself that very question. The "check-in" offers no quick fix, doesn't try to grapple for control, does not know-it-all, but shows a genuineness that can be, at times (and in the right light) arresting.
And now, the Grey's Anatomy tie-in.
As I've previously explained (at length) - I identify with Izzie Stevens on a level that has, at times, been rather surreal. I've made jokes to friends and coworkers about how they should stop writing into the writers of GA about my life choices. I've spent more time than I should (going back to that finding a hold in reality through fiction thing) reflecting on my own experiences and choices after watching Izzie live out hers on the small screen- I could never really identify with Sex and the City back when everyone was trying to decide, "Am I a Carrie or a Miranda," but here I see peices of myself. The past few weeks have been difficult to watch because I have not, yet, experienced a loss of the same magnitude as loosing a fiance (although it has been a reminder that there is more to feel, good and bad). However, the seemingly insurmountable task of returning to Seatle Grace is one that I can fully understand - it's terribly difficult to get "back in the saddle" after your heart has not only been broken, but seemingly destroyed. I HATE that feeling.
And yet - there he was: McAsshole with a reminder that it's supposed to hurt because pain is the body's way of telling you that something has gone wrong; something needs to be fixed. And, sometimes, you can't fix it immediately or on your own.
I have to say, I don't think it's at all wrong to be picky, or careful. I don't think it's wrong to know what you want. I know you have to learn from your experiences and mistakes. But maybe it's time to take a step inside....
I just need a minute.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

can't expect the world to be your raggedy andy when you're running on empty

This weekend I accomplished a task that had, since the begining of July, seemed impossible: I completed an entire novel in one weekend. Now, this was not a "War and Peace" type effort (it was a simple paranormal romance - not very good, actually) but the fact that I had time - unscheduled and uninterupted - to consume said novel was a triumph! Can I get a "Huzzah!?!"
I remember a not-so-distant past when finishing one throw-away romance did not represent so very much to me. But, aside from one 4am emergency call (which I, admittedly, didn't have to respond to) I had the perfect obligation-free weekend.
And, since I'm trying to get back into the blogging and I have a number of ideas percolating... I'm going to end here rather than ramble on incoherently.