Put the weights all around yourself

What if what you said you wanted was really something constructed to be so very much the opposite of what you needed, or what you are capable of, or what would be best for you simply so that you could avoid ever having to actually get it?
What if you deliberately (albeit, sub-consciously) developed the picture of a future you didn't want but that "fit" with what you claimed to be so that you could always fall back on the, "this isn't what I'm looking for excuse" should fear of the unknown came yoked with an alternate reality that might indeed make you very happy?
What if you got what you wanted and realized you had been wrong?

It is the end of another academic year and so I find myself (as per usual) pensive, on the edge of starting to relax, contemplative, vise-ridden and unable to get away from a year that has been, in a word, difficult.
I love what I do. I love where I am. I love who I am.
I've made some big changes.
It's been a big year.

Now I am staring down the barrel of another summer. And, as much as I love this time of year, upcoming nuptials and the various moves of acquaintances and family remind me that the chess board that is my life is a bit in "check." What's next?

That's the big question.