Friday, November 09, 2007

Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head

True Story:
I've been considering finding a "Spiritual Director" for some time. This is not nearly as New Age or Kooky as it might sound. Rather, I've been looking for someone to listen to me whine for a few minutes and then suggest a path by which I can learn to suck it up and find some answers. Answers to what? The myriad of questions that have been piling up over my years of adolescence and young adulthood: Am I doing this right? What happens next? Am I happy? How would I know? Am I doing what I'm supposed to? Should I be doing something else? What's "should"? Who determines that? Etc., etc., etc. Trust me. Inside my head is a wonderland of "What's," "How's" and "Whys." So, finally, I've taken the first steps to finding a person who might at least direct me toward some newer, more interesting questions.
So, today I made First Contact. That is to say that I emailed a complete stranger and asked her for spiritual guidance. My email went something along the lines of the following:

Good Afternoon complete stranger!
I have been searching for some answers to perplexing questions and it's been suggested to me that you might be able to/be willing to help. I'm not even certain what questions I'm looking to answer any more, but I would like to the opportunity to examine my life spiritually, vocationally, life-ly, etc. I've long relied on the priests and monastics that I came into this world surrounded by for answers and suggestions, but I'm beginning to think that I might need to go looking on my own, with someone new directing my path.
If you're interested or have time, I'd like to discuss this with you further. Please find my contact info below.
Thanks for reading this over!

Seriously. That is what I wrote someone that I'd like to convince to guide me for a while.

I proceeded to describe this email to my bosses' boss and a monk. They both laughed, and then one said, "It's not a personal ad, you know!"

And that's true. I'm not looking for just anyone to answer my call for guidance. But, I thought to myself, the person I ask should know what they're getting into. And then it hit me. I use the same line of reasoning when I'm dating - and as an excuse when I'm not dating.
I'm not really looking for any social/romantic connection right now because I don't have time. It's not the right time of year. People should know what they're getting into before they're thrown into something that doesn't work for them when, if they'd waited 'til the students left for break, they might have been able to ease in or ease out. Right now it's too overwhelming for someone else.
But, if I'm truthful - it's too overwhelming for me.
Which, if we go with the stream of conscious style I've started, reminds me of Toby Stephens "Jane Eyre" put out by Masterpiece Theater last year. After Jane (played by a too pretty actress whose only wink at the traditional plain Jane is a platypus mouth) lists all the reasons no one will believe they are in love and engaged Stephens (as Rochester) leans into her to kiss her and says "Are you overwhelmed?" But he doesn't so much say it is whisper moan it into her ear.
La Sigh. I heart the Toby Stephens. And the Rochester (even though you're not really supposed to until he's blind and maimed).

I also miss Coldplay. Does anyone else remember how great "Rush of Blood to the Head" was? It's fabulous. Moreso than I remember.

Look at earth from outer space
Everyone must find a place
Give me time and give me space
Give me real don't give me fake
Give me strength, reserve, control
Give me heart and give me soul
Give me time, give us a kiss
Tell me your own politik

And open up your eyes

Give me one 'cause one is best
In confusion, confidence
Give me peace of mind and trust
Don't forget the rest us
Give me strength, reserve control
Give me heart and give me soul
Wounds that heal and cracks that fix
Tell me your own politik


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