By protecting my heart truly, I got lost in the sounds I hear in my mind

It's intriguing, I suppose, that the return of Grey's Anatomy also brings the return of my online, semi-personal introspection. There's probably some sad comment about twenty-first century reliance on Hollywood engineered reality for pseudo self-awareness: a reality based on fantasy - but I'm gonna go with it 'cause I think a little introspection is good for the soul.
A few weeks ago, a good friend and I were discussing her love life... and I'll go no further into that except to say that it was through discussing her own situation that we arrived at a good hour's discourse on my social life - something I am generally guarded about, or (at the very least) reticent to speak on because, well, it doesn't really exsist. My social interactions with the opposite gender (read: men I don't know by way of other friends or work - aka: strangers) are often few and far between (mostly by my own design... I can own that). I'm (my friend claimed) very picky, and I like my life the way it is so I don't try too hard to change it.
That's not to say that I don't know that different can be better. I certainly do. And I'm always up for better.
One thing that I've learned over the past few years (and there has been a lot of learning...) is that I don't want to be in a relationship (romantic or platonic) in which the "other person" doesn't have his/her own life, friends, hobbies, aspirations, etc. It's too draining. I need time to do my own thing and understanding when I'm busy. I love to hear about someone else's day when it is 100% unrelated to whatever it was I'm doing. It's nice to know that other people do (and enjoy) other things.
However, I've also learned the importance of the "check-in." Being the Type-A workaholic type that I am (though I often don't see it) I appreciate when someone simply asks, "Are you okay?" or "How ya doin?" with legit concern. The kind of concern, I suppose, I try to live out with others. It forces me to take a step back, look at what I'm doing and ask myself that very question. The "check-in" offers no quick fix, doesn't try to grapple for control, does not know-it-all, but shows a genuineness that can be, at times (and in the right light) arresting.
And now, the Grey's Anatomy tie-in.
As I've previously explained (at length) - I identify with Izzie Stevens on a level that has, at times, been rather surreal. I've made jokes to friends and coworkers about how they should stop writing into the writers of GA about my life choices. I've spent more time than I should (going back to that finding a hold in reality through fiction thing) reflecting on my own experiences and choices after watching Izzie live out hers on the small screen- I could never really identify with Sex and the City back when everyone was trying to decide, "Am I a Carrie or a Miranda," but here I see peices of myself. The past few weeks have been difficult to watch because I have not, yet, experienced a loss of the same magnitude as loosing a fiance (although it has been a reminder that there is more to feel, good and bad). However, the seemingly insurmountable task of returning to Seatle Grace is one that I can fully understand - it's terribly difficult to get "back in the saddle" after your heart has not only been broken, but seemingly destroyed. I HATE that feeling.
And yet - there he was: McAsshole with a reminder that it's supposed to hurt because pain is the body's way of telling you that something has gone wrong; something needs to be fixed. And, sometimes, you can't fix it immediately or on your own.
I have to say, I don't think it's at all wrong to be picky, or careful. I don't think it's wrong to know what you want. I know you have to learn from your experiences and mistakes. But maybe it's time to take a step inside....
I just need a minute.